God’s love prevails. Even through one of the hardest periods in Shelby’s life. An “Only God” Moment was able to put everything back into perspective for her.

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Hold Fast 

Shelby McMichael

College: The most unusual and unfamiliar transitionary experience. You box all your things, move to a new place you maybe have spent 24 hours in total, and start a whole new life… even if the life you leave behind is good. I struggled with this idea for so many months. I was devastated when the sorority rush process was not what I expected when the ‘dorm life’ experience was not what I expected when the freedom and independence I so desperately desired (heck, needed) was not what I expected.

The depression kicked in so fast. Blindly fast, all-consumingly fast. An eating disorder soon followed. I was so overwhelmed, uncertain, and insecure. Why didn’t my experience look like my friends’, whose Instagrams and Facebook reflected all fun, all-the-time? The truth was, I wasn’t ready. I am already young for my grade, so in all honesty, the maturity just wasn’t fully there.

Looking back, I am so confident that Jesus was in the midst of all the pain and confusion. He truly transformed my pain into His purpose. I knew He wanted me to run to Him, so I did. I committed everything to Him because I was unsure of where to plant my feet, as my heart was so doubtful and weary. I began to journal fervently: just writing my concerns, my fears, my joys, my hopes. Sometimes I would be so upset with Him… why wasn’t my situation improving?

One time when I was home for Thanksgiving last year, I was praying out loud in my car, just absolutely defeated by the sadness that consumed me. I could barely drive, the tears were overwhelmingly thick. But then, as I pulled to the next stoplight, one of my favorite songs by Mercy Me, “Hold Fast,” began to play on the radio and when I looked up, the car in front of me literally had a bumper sticker that said ‘Hold Fast.’ MIND. BLOWN. As soon as I got home, I searched in my Bible for the verse that corresponded to this phrase. I found Hebrews 10:23: “Let us hold fast to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” I immediately knew that the Lord had been so present at that moment and that He was just as present in every moment. This verse gave me hope for the months that followed. I clung to the promise that He would lead me through this season of life.

Long story short, I decided to utilize a program my university offered in which I could take a no-penalty, planned educational leave to allow myself to regroup and reevaluate. At first, I was so insecure about this decision: What would people think about me essentially dropping out of school? Am I weak for just ‘giving-up’? Am I being selfish for giving up the opportunity to attend one of the best universities in the country? But I knew that I needed to do this and that the Lord would be present no matter where my free-will led. And wow, He sure was.

Throughout the 5-month period, I was home from college, I truly learned so much about myself, and most importantly, the reckless love and unwavering grace of God. I mended a relationship I did not think could ever be repaired, I met some of the most inspiring, kind-hearted people I probably would have never had the opportunity to interact with, and I discovered a passion that I hope to pursue as a career. God so immensely blessed me, and continues to bless me.

When I reflect on that period of heartbreak, I know now that I needed to be patient and to be steadfast in my faith so that I could truly recognize the rich blessings the Lord had planned for me. I am certain that other seasons of life will present themselves that will render me disappointed and scared, but I am assured by the fact that God is ever-present. He didn’t just throw me a life vest when I was drowning, but jumped the heck in and pulled me to shore. I now know that God doesn’t want to just bless the absolute mess that is our human life, but He wants to invite us into the work He has prepared for our hearts. Jesus is so intentional with hardship. He truly uses our mistakes, errors, and sins as faith-expanders. All our troubles are unfathomably light and momentary when compared to the eternal glory being achieved by them. I just want to shout it from the rooftops how incredibly faithful Jesus is, how His sovereign grace and love triumphs every circumstance.

Hardship is undeniably a product of radical faithfulness to God. But as I once read, “Faithfulness requires the courage to risk everything on Jesus, the willingness to keep growing, and the readiness to risk failure throughout our lives.” So ENJOY your story, even though your story is not perfect… for we know already the ending and it is so so so good.