Do you struggle with setting and sticking to your boundaries? Or maybe you’re not sure if you need stronger boundaries? Or maybe you’re even confused as to what boundaries are! I just want to say, you’re not alone!! The enemy’s schemes to keep us walking in bondage and guilt is very present. I’m here to remind you that you are called to freedom! God has given us specific portions and through boundaries, we get to walk in that freedom! 

Psalm 16:6 says “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.” When we walk with God, He reminds us what He has for us and what He’s called us to.

Boundaries that are set by Him and cultivated by us are where we walk in that freedom. 

When we know what we are responsible for we can cultivate healthy rhythms in our lives and know how to give our attention and energy away in healthy ways! I don’t know about, but that is what I desire for my own life!

I have learned a lot about boundary lines in the past couple of years, so here are three steps that I have followed to help me establish healthy and strong boundary lines, I hope they can help you too!

3 Steps to Defining Healthy and Strong Boundaries.

1. Get Clear on WHERE You’re Going

Spend time with God and get clarity on who He’s called you to be and where He’s leading you! This is not a “here’s my five year plan and all the steps to get there” but rather general vision and direction over the person He is calling you to be. Sometimes we get too focused on the here and now, when in reality we can focus on the idea of who we want to be and set up parameters around helping us make that happen. When there is a lack of clear vision, our attention can be pulled in so many different directions throughout the months + years and then all of a sudden, you’re staring at yourself, asking yourself “how did I get here?” If you invite God into your vision casting and dreaming, and pray over it, I believe He will provide vision on who He is maturing you into.

2. Define Your Values + What it Looks Like to Live Them Out

Your values are what make you you! They help you make hard decisions. They help you lean into your vision for life. They help you stay on the right path and become this person you want to become. For instance, if one of your values is family, then living that out value could look like going on two vacations a year to make sure you create time and space to invest in your family. If one of your values is faith, then living it out could like reading your Bible and journaling first thing in the morning as one of the daily rhythms you put into your life.

Here are a few core values that could get you thinking about what values might be key to your life and who God created you to be:

Acceptance, Adaptability, Balance, Bravery, Capable, Cleanliness, Community, Compassion, Decisiveness, Determination, Efficiency, Empowerment, Family, Fearless, Focus, Freedom, Friendship, Generosity, Giving, Grace, Gratitude, Health, Honesty, Hope, Humor, Independence, Innovation, Kindness, Leadership, Learning, Maturity, Motivation, Organization, Peace, Playfulness, Power, Present, Purpose, Quality, Reason, Recreation, Respect, Responsibility, Security, Service, Skill, Smart, Spirit, Spontaneous, Stability, Teamwork, Trust, Unity, Valor, Vision, Wealth, Wisdom, Wonder

3. Set Boundaries that Protect Those Values

Once you identify what it is you value, it is time to set boundary lines to protect those values. The enemy loves when he can distract us away from our goal and distract us with things in the here and now – boundary lines are a line of defense around that happening. A simple question to ask yourself to start setting boundary lines is:

What can I do or not do that helps me live out my values?

At first, these can be more general boundaries, but as you start journeying down this path I suggest you make them more and more specific. For example, if your value is your family and living it out looks like going on vacation two times a year, then your boundary is not booking any work those two weekends. Another example, if your value is your faith and living it out looks like reading your Bible and journaling first thing in the morning, then your boundary is no laptop or phone before 9am (aka no emails first thing in the morning).

Start small, be realistic and little by little, you’ll find yourself aligning more with the vision you have for WHERE you want to go. Sometimes, we can get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start with everything that we want to change so here is my reminder again – just start small. Implement one or two boundary lines a month and see how you do with them. If they work YES! If not, adjust them and try some more! Give yourself lots of grace in the process!

Bonus Tip: Don’t Do this Alone!

Share your boundaries with a trusted friend and ask them to hold you accountable. Having accountability keeps you in check to not just set them but to live them out! And guess what the best part of living out your boundary lines is? It’s having more time to do the things you LOVE!

Needing more support and practice in setting boundary lines and living them out? I, Alyssa, created a FREE boundaries guide and worksheet to walk you through this process. Click the button below to download it now!

Link to Boundary Lines PDF: