3 Steps to Define Your Boundaries

By Alyssa Brooke

Do you struggle with setting and sticking to your boundaries? Or maybe you’re wondering if you need stronger ones? Maybe you need to take a moment to define what they are. I’m here to say, you’re not alone! The enemy’s schemes to keep us walking in bondage and guilt is ever present. I want to remind you that you are called to freedom! God has given us specific portions and through boundaries, we get to walk in those freedoms! 

Psalm 16:6 says “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.” When we walk with God, He reminds us what He has for us and what He’s called us to.

Boundaries that are set by Him and cultivated by us are where we walk in that freedom. 

When we know what we are responsible for we can cultivate healthy rhythms in our lives and know how to give our attention and energy away in healthy ways. I’ve have learned a lot about boundary lines in the past couple of years, so here are three steps that have helped me establish healthy and strong boundary lines. I hope they will help you too!

3 Steps to Defining Healthy and Strong Boundaries

Step 1) Get Clear About Where You’re Going

Spend time with God to get clarity about who He’s called you to be and where He’s leading you! This is not a “here’s my five year plan and all the steps to get there”. Treat it more like a time of exploration with God. Zoom out to use it as a time to build vision and direction, rather than micromanaging a plan you think makes sense.

With a clear vision of where God wants you to go, you won’t have to stare at yourself in the mirror months or years down the road and ask, “how did I get here?” If you invite God into your vision casting and dreaming, I believe He will provide the information on who He is maturing you into.

Step 2) Define Your Values + What it Looks Like to Live Them Out

Your values are what make you, you! They help you make hard decisions. They help you lean into your vision for life. They help you stay on the right path and become the person you want to be. For instance, if one of your values is family, then living that out could look like going on two vacations a year to make sure you create time and space to invest in them. If one of your values is faith, then living it out could like reading your Bible and journaling first thing in the morning.

Here is a list of a few core values to consider that might help you define who you think God created you to be:

Acceptance, Adaptability, Balance, Bravery, Capable, Cleanliness, Community, Compassion, Decisiveness, Determination, Efficiency, Empowerment, Family, Fearless, Focus, Freedom, Friendship, Generosity, Giving, Grace, Gratitude, Health, Honesty, Hope, Humor, Independence, Innovation, Kindness, Leadership, Learning, Maturity, Motivation, Organization, Peace, Playfulness, Power, Present, Purpose, Quality, Reason, Recreation, Respect, Responsibility, Security, Service, Skill, Smart, Spirit, Spontaneous, Stability, Teamwork, Trust, Unity, Valor, Vision, Wealth, Wisdom, Wonder

Step 3) Set Boundaries to Protect Those Values

Once you identify what it is you value, it is time to set boundary lines to protect those values. The enemy loves it when he can distract us from our goal and bind us with cares in the here and now. Boundary lines are a line of defense around his schemes. Ask yourself:

What can I do or not do to help me live out my values?

At first, list some general boundaries, but as you begin your journey down this path, I suggest you make them more and more specific. For example, if your value is your family and living it out looks like going on vacation two times a year, then your boundary is not booking any work those two weekends. If your value is your faith, and living it out looks like reading your Bible and journaling first thing in the morning, then your boundary is no laptop or phone before 9 a.m.

Start small, be realistic, and little by little, you’ll find yourself aligning more with the vision you have for WHERE you want to go. Sometimes, we can get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start (we have so much we’d like to change), so here is my reminder again. Start small. Implement one or two boundary lines a month and see how you do with them. If they work, YES! If not, adjust them, and try some more! Give yourself lots of grace in the process!

Bonus Tip: Don’t Do this Alone!

Share your boundaries with a trusted friend and ask them to hold you accountable. Having accountability keeps you in check to not just set them but to live them out! And guess what the best part of living out your boundary lines is? It’s having more time to do the things you LOVE!