My Journey Out of the Industry

by Jihya Harris

I had been living in my new place for nearly six months, but it was barely furnished. I was used to living this way—in survival mode—keeping things light in case I had to move, had to get away fast. I was hardly home but to sleep and get ready for the club.  Most nights, I was either at work or out partying. This was all part and parcel of the line of work I was in. 

The most important thing? At twenty-four years old I could afford my own car and my own apartment. Although I wasn’t making an honest living, I was relieved to be living on my own and free from abuse. 

Living free from abuse was not always a guarantee. 

When I first started dancing at a strip club, my goal was to do it only until I got myself settled. But weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. Five years later, I was still in the industry with nothing to show for it. Sure, I had gone on lavish trips abroad and bought expensive things, but I hadn’t earned the college degree I said I would. 

The novelty and glamor of the industry faded after that first year, replaced by a harsh reality. I felt stuck and, more often than not, unwell. My knees were perpetually bruised, and my body ached from the work.

The longer I stayed in the industry, the more I lost sight of what truly mattered to me. My relationships with family were distant, and I didn’t have real friends. I hadn’t told anyone the truth about my work, nor did I dare to.

My Darkest Hours

It wasn’t until a few years later that I would reach under a pile of junk mail and grab a notebook, ready to examine my circumstances for real. I began making a list of all my living expenses. There were the big ones like rent, phone bills, and groceries. Next to each expense, I penciled in the cost. I realized that if I was frugal, I would need about a thousand dollars a month to get by. It wasn’t much, but it would be enough to help me leave the club for good.

For the first time in a long while, I felt a glimmer of hope and saw the possibilities. 

But then, the intrusive voice appeared. It was loud, accusatory, and relentless. It scolded me.

“Where else can you make that kind of money? Who would hire you with a gap in your employment?” 

The weight of these questions pressed down on me. How would I explain my past to a future employer? What could I possibly say?

I tried to ignore the voice and keep pressing forward, but each time I scrolled through an online job posting and read the qualifications, I began to believe the lies.

The hope I’d felt began to wane.

In my desperate search for a way out, I eventually reached my lowest point. A failed suicide attempt. 

I reduced my hours at the club to once a week and tried attending church. But I quickly convinced myself that church wasn’t for people like me, and I gave it up altogether. 

Yet, in my most desperate moments I still longed for God. 

I often found myself crying out to Him in the parking lot of the strip club where I worked.

In those cries, I know that God heard me and answered. In those moments of desperation, I felt His presence or heard His gentle, soft whisper comforting and consoling me. He assured me that He had a plan for me all along—a way out of the industry. 

“I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” — Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG)

He Leaves the 99 for the One

Several weeks went by and I wondered if God had forgotten about my cry. I tried to brush off what I had been so confident about being promised weeks before and began to deny what I’d heard. 

I was too discouraged to go back to church again, but God is not limited to one day, or a single building. 

He leaves the 99 for the one. 

He goes to unlikely places. 

He went to a club for me, his messengers in tow. There was a group of women who had been coming to my club for weeks and it would only be a matter of time before I saw that God sent them. 

Oftentimes, due to my own pride and anger, I ignored them. However, one night, after getting off stage to walk around collecting my tips, I walked by them and God whispered, “Stop.”

I froze. 

And as I stood there, a woman with the kindest eyes handed me a gift bag and said, “I made this for you.” 

I was taken aback by her gentleness, and something about the way she said those words made me believe her. 

I took the bag and went straight to the dressing room.

I found a private stall in the bathroom and opened it. Inside was a Bible, and I opened it to the book of Psalms. Tears filled my eyes, and I knew deep down that this meeting wasn’t by accident.

God was chasing after me. He was relentlessly pursuing me, answering my prayers. This moment confirmed that He was listening, that He had heard me all those times in the parking lot and beyond.

After that night, I continued to pray. I continued reading Psalms. Through Scripture, I began to recognize God’s voice more clearly. His voice calmed me, filled me with peace, and brought clarity to my thinking. I felt drawn to church again and eventually joined a women’s Bible study. Slowly, I began making small, intentional changes. God was renewing me. 

After a year of growing in my relationship with Jesus, He gave me the strength to leave the industry for good.

He provided the resources and the finances I needed to stay out of the club. He gave me the courage to go back home, where I began to reconcile and restore broken relationships. As a result, I was able to live with my family again and had the support I needed to focus on school full-time.

The four years after leaving the adult industry were the hardest, but Jesus saved me and gave me a new life. Because I trusted and obeyed Him, I was able to achieve my dream of earning a Bachelor’s degree, which led me to a nursing career, a loving husband, and our family.

Because of Jesus, I no longer listen to the voice of shame and despair—I recognize His beautiful voice as it speaks to my soul in a loving whisper.

Reflection:

Have you experienced intrusive thoughts that made you feel trapped and hopeless? While your circumstances may not be identical to mine, have you found yourself feeling utterly helpless, believing there was no way out? 

What was your response to what felt like a helpless situation?  How did God respond?

I encourage you to cry out to Jesus the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. He will hear your prayers, guide you, and help you take the next steps to find a way out. You are never beyond His reach. Trust Him, and let Him show you the future He has planned for you.