After struggling with an eating disorder, Allie writes a letter to her body in order to find comfort in accepting her soul and body as one harmonious being. 

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A Forgiveness Letter To My Body

Allie Hoffman

Allie writes a beautiful letter to her body, about her body and soul coming together as one, not being in a battle or misunderstanding with each other. 

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” –Psalm 139:14

Dear Body,

It’s been a long journey together, and I guess you’ve been with me since the start. It’s funny to think when people go to the OBGYN, they obsess about how big the baby is. One week the baby is the size of a lemon, the next, the baby is a grapefruit. Mothers are obsessed with watching their babies and children grow, and of course, they should be, it’s the natural course of life. Yet, since the time I was about 14, I have been obsessed with shrinking you. I haven’t wanted to go with the natural course of life, getting bigger, taller, stronger. I have always wanted to shrink, get smaller, perhaps the idea of shrinking came from how small I felt inside like I would never measure up or be good enough.

I have put you through torture, body, in order to make you smaller. I am sincerely sorry. I used to not be. I used to not care what it took, whether it be starving, diet pills, laxatives, over-exercising, crazy crash dieting, or even the occasional binge. I have put you through a lot, so I understand why you are so resistant to healing. I understand why my hair fell out, my nails didn’t grow, and why my stomach hurt every time I ate. The pain was horrible. Now that I’m feeding you properly, I feel that you should be giving me nourishment back, but I understand it doesn’t work that quickly.

I think a theme in my life has been patience. I just need to be really patient. I haven’t quite accepted You and me as a whole being yet; I view my soul as one piece of myself and you, body, as a separate part. So, I understand why this process is going to be long and hard. I don’t love you yet, and it’s going to be a really long and hard road, but I think I might like you and I do forgive you if you forgive me. I am so terribly sorry for what I have put you through, and I only hope that what I am doing now can repair the damage. I hope we can work together, body and soul as one unit to achieve happiness and recovery. Peace is all I really want, peace internally, no more turmoil from the effects of the torture I put you through, and peace of what I look like externally.

I am willing to be patient, as long as you are willing to give back what I think I am putting in. I will try hard each and every day to accept you, I hope you can accept me back too.

The light in me sees the light in you, 

Allie