Walking out your faith around family can be hard, especially if you’re the only believer. Read on for some tips on how to navigate this situation well.

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Now Walk It Out With Family

Kelsey Nerland

Family

This word means many different things to different people. There are so many layers to this simple word. It’s a word that has been marked and defined by experience, tender memories, opinions, unmet expectations, laughter, legal documentation, tears, or gratitude.

Perhaps you have a lovely family who encourages you and spurs you on in your faith. Maybe faith has never been talked about in your household. Perhaps one of your parents is a believer, but the rest of your family isn’t. Maybe your family goes to church and acts like a “Christian” family on the outside, but their actions and convictions don’t align with the heartbeat of Jesus. Maybe you come from a family that has no idea you believe in Jesus. Perhaps you don’t associate with your earthly family at all.

Whatever “family” means to you, I want to invite you to place yourself in this narrative. Wherever you find yourself while reading this—know you are not alone. YOU, dear reader, have been ADOPTED into the Kingdom family! When you received Jesus and believed in who He says He is, you have been reconciled back to God and have been welcomed into the Kingdom family!

“But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the right [the authority, the privilege] to become children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name…“ – John 1:12 (AMP)

“I will be a true Father to you, and you will be my beloved sons and daughters,”says the Lord Yahweh Almighty.” – 2 Corinthians 6:18 (TPT)

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know Him.” – 1 John 3:1 (ESV)

“And you did not receive the “spirit of religious duty,” leading you back into the fear of never being good enough. But you have received the “Spirit of full acceptance,” enfolding you into the family of God. And you will never feel orphaned, for as he rises up within us, our spirits join him in saying the words of tender affection, “Beloved Father!” For the Holy Spirit makes God’s fatherhoodreal to us as he whispers into our innermost being, “You are God’s beloved child!” And since we are His true children, we qualify to share all his treasures, for indeed, we are heirs of God himself. And since we are joined to Christ, we also inherit all that he is and all that he has. We will experience being co-glorified with him provided that we accept his sufferings as our own.” – Romans 8:15-17 (TPT)

Our identity and hope are through the resurrecting LIFE in our veins—not our bloodline. This is important—SO important!

• Why? Because in order to know who you are, you have to know WHOSE you are! And it sure is important-as-heck to know who you are before you enter into sharing parts of yourself with others—family included!
  
• Why? Because when we don’t know who we are (our identity), it’s easy to be swayed and misplace our identity into something we’re not.
  
• Why is it important to know your identity as a daughter of the King? When you know (like really know) who you are—a beloved, chosen daughter of the King—you will own it and act like it! There’s nothing more or less you need to do to earn God’s love. He loves you for WHO YOU ARE! You don’t have to work for His love—you don’t have to do all the “right” things or strive for perfection—He loves you just as you are. Being a daughter of the King also means having complete access to God’s power and the Holy Spirit! His Spirit dwells within you and gives you authority! The same Spirit that was in Jesus as He performed miracles is in YOU! It’s a pretty life-changing way to view yourself—by seeing Jesus in yourself. You start to identify with His steadfast love for you—not your fickle love for Him. You’ve decided to place your identity into the eternal love of God—and that can never be swayed by an opinion or a circumstance.

I say this because when it comes to sharing your faith with your family, it’s important to know who you are. Be firm in the identity God has given you—His beloved daughter. Because if/when your family doesn’t agree with your faith—you must rest upon God’s opinion of you—not your families’.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10 (ESV)

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Personal Story

Personally, my family and I do not share the same faith values.

Faith was never talked about in our household growing up, and I came to know the love of Jesus outside my home. I’m beyond thankful to come from such an incredibly supportive family that I absolutely love with all my heart—but there’s also a difference between feeling “you do you” supported and feeling deeply known supported.

All that to say, it’s been quite the journey of learning how to walk out my faith with my family—and has resulted in a lot of tension, heartache, and frustration over the years (mainly by my unsaid expectations).

Up until recently, walking my faith out with my family has become more of a positive experience, and I want to be able to share with you what I’ve learned along the way.

*Also, I think it’s important to note that I haven’t “arrived” in how to do this well!

It’s a process—and I think it should continue to be that way. It requires me to lean on the Lord rather than myself, and I hope that continues to be my posture moving forward.

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Personal Learnings

These are ideas that I’ve collected—but it’s not an exhaustive list. These are quick notes about what I’ve learned about sharing my faith with my family and how I’ve shared my faith with my family. These are just a list of ways to get started…

• You can’t hold your family to a standard they don’t believe in. If your family doesn’t believe in the authority of Scripture—you can’t hold them to that standard. It’s not fair. You can hold yourself to that standard—just don’t project it onto your family.
• Your family’s salvation is NOT up to you. That is too large of a burden to carry on yourself. You CAN pray and intercede for your family—that you can do! You can ask the Lord to open your family’s eyes and soften their hearts… but you can’t let their salvation be your burden to carry. That’s only possible through the work of the Holy Spirit in their hearts.
• You don’t have to prove your faith to your family in order to make it real. It’s real to you and that’s enough—you don’t have to prove yourself in order to have a valid experience of faith. You can’t expect them to understand… and that doesn’t make your faith more or less valid.
• You can’t compare your family to other people’s families. This is a dangerous game to play—you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. And you’re probably comparing the hardest parts of your family to a romanticized version of someone else’s.
• No one wants to get the Gospel shoved down their throats. Your family doesn’t want to hear the “Christianese” you’ve learned. They likely don’t want to be told what to do or how they’re in the wrong. But they might be more interested in hearing the ways you’ve been transformed by God’s love. Personal stories are the way to go here.
• Don’t let fear be the boss of you. It can be so easy to listen to lies from the enemy that scream: “You don’t know enough!” “They’re just going to reject you anyway!” “You’re inadequate!” “They’re too far gone… it’s not worth sharing!” Sadly, it’s easy to be intimidated by the voices of the enemy that claim we are inadequate and have limited knowledge. But that’s also the thing—we ARE inadequate. We DO lack! That’s WHY we need God. That’s WHY we need to be dependent on the Holy Spirit. We may lack in our lives, but with His Spirit, we lack nothing! It’s SO important to speak TRUTH over yourself in these moments. Ask the Lord what He has to say. Declare truths of victory over yourself! Remember that YOU’RE NOT ALONE when you’re sharing your faith with your family— the Holy Spirit dwells within you & He will never leave you or forsake you! Friends, you can’t let your fear of rejection lead you! You already have been accepted by the Only voice that matters.
• You can’t control how your family responds. Can you trust that your assurance is in the Lord? That even if your family doesn’t receive what you have to say well it doesn’t mean you are “rejected”? Remember who Christ says you are!
• Try and try again. It’s easy to get discouraged if sharing your faith with your family doesn’t go well the first handful of times. Keep trying! Keep asking Jesus to guide your interactions and to give you discernment for when and how to share your faith.
• It’s okay to say the wrong thing. Give yourself grace. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the perfect representative of the Christian faith—there’s no such thing! No one… seriously… no one knows everything about God—that’s why we have FAITH! You might accidentally say the wrong thing and that’s okay. We, as humans, WILL have limited knowledge, always. But that shouldn’t stop us from sharing! You might even change your opinion on something later on and be too hard on yourself that you didn’t know better. Give yourself grace. From glory to glory—we are sanctified more and more to Christ every day

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
– 2 Corinthians 3:18 (ESV)

• Pray before you share. Ask the Lord to guide your words if there’s something you want to share with your family. Ask Him for courage and boldness with the things you say, and that it would come from a place of love.
• Don’t come with an agenda. Ask Jesus to take the wheel (haha, gotta love that song…) but seriously—don’t put too much pressure on yourself to control your interactions with your family. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your interactions. Come with something you’re excited to share about, and let God do the rest.
• Ask your family if you can share! If you’re not sure your family wants to hear about your faith—maybe even ask them if you can share! It’s like extending an invitation to them! You can even go as far as explaining your intention for sharing so that they don’t assume there’s a false agenda. Don’t say “no” for them—you never know if they’ll say “yes” to listening! It also gives them a head’s up about what you’re sharing and why you’re doing it in the first place.
  For example: “Hey—can I share something super cool God did in my life the other day? I want to share because God is a big part of my life and I want to share with you the things that are important to me!”
• Share the “why.” People generally like hearing stories—especially cool stories! This is a great way to testify to the goodness of the Lord! If you’re sharing from a place of love, it’s because you can’t keep this HOPE to yourself—you want to share it and express it to those around you! Share a PERSONAL story of WHAT something meant to you and WHY it meant something to you. It’s great to hear about a story—but why does it matter to you? Also, remember that you can’t control how your family responds—surrender your expectations to the Lord.
• Ask them questions. Sharing your faith also looks like asking questions. Ask your family members questions about what they think or believe! Remember, Jesus asked a lot of questions! Keep in mind that it’s important to respond (not react) to their thoughts and opinions with respect and love—like Jesus would. You don’t have to agree with the things they say to talk about them in the first place. Also, you can’t expect your family to listen to you if you don’t take time to also listen to them. It’s important to engage in a conversation—not share a monologue.
• FORGIVE. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. You can’t hold your family’s responses against them. Treat each day as new, just as the Lord treats each day as new with us. What would it look like to extend GRACE to your family?

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HEART POSTURE

Before we can walk out our faith with our family outwardly, I think the first step requires us to look inwardly. All throughout Scripture, we can see that “the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7 ESV). God knows our intentions and our motivations before we even realize it for ourselves! I think a crucial step in sharing our faith with our families requires self-awareness of our heart postures.

What is our motivation in sharing our faith with our families?

Is it to prove ourselves? Is it to make a point? Is it to boast? Is it to shame? Is it out of arrogance in a way where we think we’re better than our families? Is it to convert? Or is it to share what Jesus is doing in our lives? Is it so we can feel more understood? Is it to testify the goodness of the Lord?

I think if sharing our faith with our families doesn’t come from a place of love—we need to get right with the Lord before doing so.

WHY? The things you say are an overflow of where your heart is actually at.

“The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” – Luke 6:45b NIV

We want to make sure that we speak in love—not speak in pride or judgment. We want to make sure that our words edify and encourage—not tear down.

So even if we have “good intentions” for sharing our faith with our families, our family will pick up on our true motivations for sharing. They’re smart and they’ll see through it. It’s important that we’re aware of our heart posture before exposing them to what could be more of a hurtful experience.
So, ask the Lord to speak into your intentions for wanting to share your faith—ask Him to highlight your true motivations. If you recognize you wouldn’t be sharing from a place of love—ask the Lord to re-posture your heart to be more in alignment with His love.

That’s why we’re here after all, right? To share His love and make Him known!

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EXPECTATIONS

William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache,” and I don’t think he could have been more right! How often do we project unsaid expectations onto others—all while they have NO IDEA about the expectation we have for them?! They’ll never measure up because we haven’t given them any possible way to! People can’t read our minds—and yet somehow we expect them to. I’m beyond guilty of this.

In regards to walking out our faith with our families—what would it look like to surrender our expectations to the Lord?

It’s no secret that sometimes we all have hope for how we wish a situation would play out. What would it look like to be honest with the Lord about it?

For me, every time I tried to share my faith with my family while I was in high school, I found myself disappointed time and time again. I felt so rejected. I felt so misunderstood. I had an expectation that I would share my faith, and that my family would be so curious and really interested and then… I don’t know, accept Jesus as their Savior all of a sudden based on something I said. Pretty high expectations, right?! And on top of that—I was even comparing my family to some of my friend’s Jesus-loving families. I was setting myself up for disappointment!

It took a while for me to actually get honest with God that I was disappointed. To actually be honest with Him about the rejection I was feeling. To share with Him how much I loved my family and how desperately I wanted them to know the INCREDIBLE love of God that I knew.

I couldn’t strive on my own any longer—I had to get honest with God and ask Him to intervene.

I had to ask Him to change my heart. I had to ask Him to help me let go of the expectations I had for them (and myself). I was putting too much pressure on myself, and too high of an expectation on them. I had to allow God to reframe my viewpoint—and speak into what He expects of me—just to simply love them.

When I surrendered my expectations to Him—I felt freedom and release from carrying it all on my own.

“…casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV)

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Now Walk It Out

It’s time to put this into action! It’s time to be bold and share your faith in love!

1. What personal stories do you want to share with your family? WHY is what you’re sharing important to you?
2. What questions do you wish your family members asked you?
3. What questions do you want to ask your family members?
4. Live by example. Are you sharing your faith with your lifestyle?

I hope that this leaves you with more hope than discouragement!

Remember that sharing your faith with your family is a process—it might even be a lifetime’s worth of processing. These things certainly take time.

Keep praying and keep trying.

Keep sharing and keep reflecting.

Keep forgiving and keep receiving grace.

God has something GOOD in store for your family. He cares about the generations behind you and before you! Don’t give up!!

Remember that the most important thing is that if your actions don’t match up with your words, they are just words. You could have the coolest stories of Jesus’ love to share with your family—but if they don’t see Christ’s love in you, they won’t remember your words. When you are in alignment with the Lord, there will be a natural overflow into different areas of your life. My prayer is that you live by example as you share your faith with your family as you love God and love others.

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Now Pray It Out

Jesus,

THANK YOU for your presence!! You are so good. You are a God of abundant joy and steadfast love! You are the source of LIFE, and your resurrection lives in our veins—despite the bloodline we come from. Thank you for adopting us into your Kingdom family! You call us your daughters and delight in us!! Lord— we can’t keep this JOY and LIFE to ourselves. We pray for your Spirit’s discernment when it comes to interacting with our family members. You love them—each of them—deeply. Convict us, Holy Spirit, of when to speak up or when to be slow to speak. God—you know the posture of our hearts and our truest intentions before we even speak. Thank you for knowing us and loving us deeply. We pray for Your wisdom in our interactions with our family members—may we be LIGHTS that radiate Your hope and Your goodness. May we testify to Your hope and the way you have intervened in our lives! We pray our words and actions glorify you!

In Jesus’ sweet and holy name,
Amen

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